Six Ways To Listen Better

Inspiration on a Mountain Top - Smoky Mountains

Welcome to Inspiring Words, Inspiring Lives. May we have a thoughtful, uplifting discussion about practical things we can do right now to bring a little brightness into someone else's life. 

St. Francis of Assisi in the 13th century penned a poem that embodies the spirit of this journey to inspire others. I became familiar with the poem as it is presented in a popular hymn version, adapted and set to music by Sebastian Temple (©1967 by OCP Publications). It's called Make Me A Channel of Your Peace, and the chorus goes like this: 

                     O Master, grant that I may never seek 

                     So much to be consoled as to console;

                     To be understood as to understand,

                     To be loved, as to love with all my soul!

Learning how to inspire others, I believe, begins with learning how to get out of our own way. As in the words of this hymn, we ask the Master to help us to try and console, understand, and love others more than we desire to be consoled, understood and loved for ourselves. A hard thing to do! 

I'm right there with everyone else when it comes to seeking to understand others rather than standing in the corner silently shouting, "I'm over here! Listen to me!" But here are some tips for your next work day or school day or whenever you interact with others.

1. Be slow to speak. When we see our coworker, instead of starting with, "Let me tell you what happened last night," we can simply smile and ask them how they are doing. Most people will just say "fine," but if something's really bothering them, they may give you a hint. Listen for this.
2. Be observant. While we are being quiet, watch for the expression on someone else's face. Watch for clues that maybe they aren't feeling well, such as rubbing their temples, clutching their stomach, or perhaps grimacing when they walk. 
3. Listen with our minds. When we listen to our friend or coworker, let's make sure we're using our minds even more than our ears. Concentrate on what the other person is saying instead of trying to think about what we'll say when it's our turn. People don't always get their point out at first. Sometimes they work their way into it. If we tune them out after the first sentence, we'll totally miss what they are really saying. 
4. Clarify if needed. If we're confused by what the other person is saying, paraphrase it as a question as in, "Do you mean . . . ?"
5. Offer solutions only if asked. Most people (women, especially), really just want to get it off their chest. If we jump in with a solution, we can come off sounding as if their problems aren't any big deal. "Just call so-and-so." "Just go to such-and-such." It's as if we are telling the other person that their problem is no big deal and to get over it. This can derail our purpose in seeking to understand them.
6. Leave things on a hopeful note. Make sure the other person knows you are there for them if they need to talk further. Pray with her. Tell him to call you later.  Tell her to keep you posted on how things are going. If you're close friends, offer her a hug.

It's a start. It's not easy, either. But it's worth the effort if we want to start encouraging others. Lord knows I'm on the same journey. Let's help each other, okay? Do you have something that's worked for you when listening to others? I'd love to hear it!