CHANGE: Good or Bad?

Oh, my goodness! I am the secretary of my church, and last week our pastor resigned. Talk about major change! Let's face it-- people don't like change. Not really. The news of the resignation after 26 years of service shocked many people. Anger was the one response I really didn't expect. A friend of mine said it best:  "Anger, one of the first stages of grief."

People were angry because they were under the impression that our beloved pastor had been forced out by the higher-ups at our bishop's office. One woman was angry that the pastor she'd counted on to perform her daughter's wedding would no longer be there. Others just accepted the decision with sadness. The truth was, our pastor was getting older and was burned out from serving a church with over a 1,000 members all by himself. He was tired. He was ready for a change.

And so, one man's desire for change in his life threatened the familiarity and safety of many others who did not seek to have anything changed in their church lives. I don't like change either, but I recognize that it can be good. Change can be good for our personal lives and good for our churches, too. New leaders in our church can mean new ideas, new energy, new life. New jobs in our personal lives can be good for our emotional well-being as well as our financial well-being.

I think the difference in how we react to change results from whether we chose to change or whether the change was forced upon us. When our church leader steps down, that's a change that is forced upon us. The same is true if our job is eliminated or a beloved friend, pet, or family member passes away. When these types of changes are forced on us, we tend to react with fear, anger, and grief. But if we choose the change, if we have control of it, then we perceive it as a positive step. A good change.

The trick to accepting change that is forced upon us is to talk to ourselves. If we tell ourselves we'll be all right, then we will. We calm ourselves down and eventually accept the new path in front of us. When we accept the change that has occurred (or will soon occur), then we, in effect, choose the change. And once we choose it, we can start to look at the situation more positively. Now, I'm not belittling anyone's grief if the change means we've lost a loved one. Just telling ourselves we'll be all right when someone has died will not magically make everything okay again. There is a process, and anger is one step in that process. But if we continue to talk to ourselves and take each day as it comes, eventually we can accept the new path before us.

Change can be good or bad. It all depends on how we perceive it. Will we choose to accept it? What about you? What changes have you been through lately? How much time has passed since the change? Where do you find yourself on the scale of acceptance? 

Until next time,

Toni

The Benefits of a "Staycation"

Today I'm finishing up a week of vacation. I stayed at home, though, so I guess I took what in newer terms is called a "staycation." Have you ever taken one? The staycation seems to have come about as a direct result of a declining economy-- fuel prices are high, incomes are low. When things were better we used to climb into the car and drive somewhere, stay at a hotel, eat out every day. Or, if we could scrape the money together, we'd take an airplane to an even further destination. But now, many of us tend to stay home, preferring instead to eat out occasionally or perhaps pay for a few tickets to local destinations.

This week, I gathered my family together to go to a Mud Hens game. The Toledo Mud Hens may sound familiar to many of you who grew up watching M*A*S*H* back in the 70s and early 80s. Jamie Farr, a.k.a. Klinger on the TV series, was from Toledo and mentioned the Mud Hens several times. The Mud Hens are a AAA baseball team, a farm team for the Detroit Tigers. We have a beautiful stadium now, and it's a lot of fun to head out to the ballpark.

Also this week, since it was the week of my birthday, I did a lot of shopping. Hey, I'm a girl, it's what we do! The pleasure of unhurried shopping excursions is actually a rare thing these days. In our ever-busy society, most people I know go shopping on a time budget more than a monetary one. My friends like to go shopping on a week night, meaning they only get a couple of hours before either the stores close or they have to be home to tuck their kids in bed. Or, if they shop on a weekend, there's almost always a clock ticking in the back of their heads, counting down the time until they have to meet someone somewhere else or be home to make dinner.

We had dinner out at my favorite restaurant, joined by my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Again, we had a leisurely dinner with time to relax with really good food.

Staycations allow time to slow down. Time to sleep in. Time to do some of your favorite things. Or even time to clean out that closet, if that's what you want. All this without breaking your budget and still giving you time away from the "daily grind." Did I miss not going somewhere far away and seeing all brand new things? A little. But the objective of a vacation is to be away from work. And I did that. Hardly thought of it at all.

What about you? Have you taken a staycation? What do you think-- do you like them or hate them? Which is better, in your opinion? Post your opinion here!!!

Until next time,
Toni

Fine!

"Fine!"  Usually, when we hear this, it's either a mindless response to the question "How are you?" or a hostile retort in the middle of an argument. The latter, of course, means the person uttering it is not fine at all.

But "fine" was a word meant for so much more. Fine means "of high quality." When applied to a person, it means he or she is worthy of or elicits admiration. There's another whole area where fine is really good-- there's fine china, fine crystal, fine linen, fine wine. Fine silver is made of a high proportion of pure metal. Fine can also be French brandy of high quality made from distilled wine rather than from pulpy fruit residue.

When did "fine" get to be, well, not fine or something less than perfect? I'm not sure, but I wish we could bring back its real meaning. This morning in church, my mother sang with my father, my sister, and me. We sang "Amazing Grace." Mom flubbed an entrance, my sister missed a high note, I hung onto a note too long, and my dad may have been off-key in one spot. My mom and my sister were both disappointed, but I told them it was fine. What was it, really-- a couple of notes here and there in a song that went on for five pages? Our harmonies were really good, and the melody was strong. People enjoyed it. It was fine.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our performance that we forget to whom we are singing. If we're singing to the Lord, then we give it our best and let Him do the rest. We were fine-- high quality singing, sung for the Lord.

Let "fine" be inspiring to you. Don't let it be a throw-away word. Use it to give your praise to others. Go ahead, you can do it!

There, now. That's fine!


 

No More Going It Alone

Do you ever feel as is you're in this by yourself? No one understands what you're going through, and if by some small chance they DO know, then they really don't care.

Do you ever feel as if no one really wants your opinion on anything, and the best thing you can do for yourself is just to shut up?

Do you ever turn down invitations to parties, picnics, or other celebrations because you know you'll have nothing in common with anyone?

Maybe not. Maybe I'm alone in this, but somehow, I don't think so. Our message in church last week was about the parable of the Good Samaritan. Samaritans were a hated, looked-down-upon people back in Biblical times. The story goes that a man was travelling on foot and thieves intercepted him, robbed him, and beat him to a pulp. As he was lying there bleeding, first one priest and then another passed by him on the side of the road and didn't do anything to help the guy. Then a hated Samaritan came by, saw the man, and jumped into action. He bound up the man's wounds, put him on his own donkey, and took him into town. He paid for the man's lodging and care until he could swing by the hotel again. He told the hotel staff to take care of the man and charge whatever they spent to him.

Many sermons on this topic focus on seeing people in need and helping them instead of ignoring the problem. And that's a good focus. But the sermon I heard emphasized the word "focus"-- focusing on others instead of ourselves. Being loved by God frees us up to focus on others. The priests who passed by were not necessarily bad men. So what happened? Perhaps they were so focused on whatever sermon they had to give that day or whatever meeting they were heading to that they just didn't SEE the bleeding man.

How many times do we focus on ourselves instead of others? Believe me, I know how hard it is sometimes to get out of our own skin. After all, we live with our own bodies, feel our own pain, think our own thoughts, and experience our own emotions 24/7. That's a lot of input to process. But if we turn our pain and our thoughts over to God and let Him handle our lives, then maybe we can focus on someone else.


So I realized that when I sit around and "navel gaze," I turn inward on myself. I start thinking those things that cut me off from other people: that no one cares about my pain, that no one wants my opinion, that I have nothing in common with anyone. The truth is, GOD cares about all of that. And since He cares, I know He will take care of me. I can stop worrying that

 my emotional needs won't be met. I can look up from my navel and look out at everyone else.

So give God your pain, your loneliness, your fear. Trust Him to handle it. Then look up. Look outside yourself and see who needs YOUR help. Today.

I Have No Words. Do You?

To tell you the truth, I'm scared. The name of this blog is "Inspiring Words, Inspiring Lives." But I have no words today. I have nothing left to inspire you. I saw three movies this weekend. All were supposed to be comedies, but I only laughed mildly at one of them. Why do comedies now have to contain all kinds of grossness, disgusting innuendoes, and what's commonly called "potty talk"?  Is this what the public now wants? I mean, I've been all over the satellite channels, and so many of these shows seem to contain some element of the gross or some sort of innuendo.

Are we, as a society, losing whatever is good and right? In the middle of these gross comedies I attended, a parent came down the aisle holding the hand of a child who was no more than five years old. At the store the other day, I heard a mother hauling her kids to the car and telling them to shut the F up and get in the effin' car. Is this what is acceptable? These children will grow up with even fewer manners and a totally confused sense of right and wrong than their parents did.

And so, I and others like me, try to call attention to it. We're trying to sound a wake-up call. But nothing seems to happen. If anything, things are getting worse. So today, I have no words. We can continue to try and call attention to the degradation in society, continue to try and model what is true and right, but it all seems like an uphill battle.

What's the answer? What can we do, as individuals, to wake up America? I have no more words. Do you???

Vitamin R - The Importance of Relaxing

Relax! Don't remember the last time you did? Me, either. "Relax" is a word that's nearly extinct. We're too busy with work, kids, or chores to do it. Even when we DO take time and slow down, we call it "downtime" or "chillin'." Not relaxing. Let's look at these other words.

Downtime is a strange word that implies we're spending our time unproductively. When the economy takes a dive, the experts call it a downturn. Same concept with downtime. It's as if any time we take for ourselves is considered negative. In our multi-tasking society, we try to "double up" the time we have in order to get more things done. When we finally take time to unplug, it's called downtime, as if taking time for ourselves is a bad thing.

Chillin' means we "chill out." Does this mean we were overheated to begin with? Maybe. Multi-tasking our way through our days and trying to complete two, three, maybe even four things at once could indeed overheat our nerves. Perhaps we need to "chill" every once in awhile. Chilling out, though, also has the connotation that we are frozen-- not moving. Not getting things done.

And yet, what happens when we get back from vacation? After the usual "getting back into the swing of things" occurs, we usually find ourselves refreshed and ready to take on our tasks. We can get back to focusing on the tasks at hand and usually are more productive at our jobs.

So, is relaxing such a bad thing? I don't think so. Because our running around from job to job can overheat us. Our minds keep going, clicking through everything we have to worry about today, tomorrow, and next week. Besides vacations and days off, I think we should all strive to have at least an hour at the end of each day to relax.

Try making a list of things to remember and/or things to do. Hint: Write it down on paper. There's something about using your hands and seeing the words as they exit your brain through your fingers that helps you remember them. Get everything down on that list. Then put the list in your wallet, purse, briefcase, backpack, or whatever you will take with you tomorrow. THEN, relax. Sit down. Watch TV. Read. Play a game. Write in a journal. Take part in your favorite hobby.

Relaxing is not only a good thing, it's vital to your mental and physical health. Consider it your vitamin R. Relaxing is just as important as taking your vitamins, so don't forget to take your vitamin R!

The Virtue of Silence

Television. Movies. Video Games. YouTube. Facebook. Mp3s. Radio. Cell phones. Office meetings. Classes. Lunch chats. City traffic. Barking dogs. Wailing sirens. "Elevator music." Public address systems. Seems to be no end to the sound that fills our days. We leave a job or school where people talk to us all day and go home to the chatter of children or the neighbor's dog barking. Someone turns on the TV while dinner is prepared. Does it ever end? Does anyone else out there treasure the sound of silence?

Sometimes it seems the sound emanating from my television permeates every cell in my body and acts like a form of itching powder for my nerves. My husband is a great guy, but he was raised in front of the TV and can't seem to turn it off. And even if he does, then he puts in a movie or watches videos on YouTube. When we drive somewhere, music is always playing in the car. Maybe I'm strange (don't answer that!), but there are days when I absolutely CRAVE silence. Or, at the very least, a moment of being unplugged from technology to listen to the birds or the wind in the trees. My brain seems to relax, and soon my muscles follow.

What does this all have to do with the theme of this blog? Well, the second part of the theme is "inspiring lives." I don't know about you, but some quiet time for me is indeed inspiring. Once my mind is free from the clutter of noise that bombards my day, I can really think about a creative project, about God, or about my future. Perhaps if you find the same, together we can indirectly inspire the lives of others by encouraging them to spend about a half an hour a day "unplugged" from the noises around them.

Am I the only one? Do you crave silence? If so, what do you do with it? Read? Meditate? Or maybe just breathe in and out and let your mind rest? What kind of benefits do you find in silence? Are there any drawbacks to unplugging?

This week, let's try an experiment. Try to find 15 to 30 minutes each day to unplug and relish in the silence. We'll meet back here next week to discuss our results!

Knowing What Matters

What matters to you? Your family, your faith, your friends, your home, your pets, your job? Most of us would probably include those things on our list. Knowing how much you treasure your family and friends, you also have faith that they treasure you just as much. So what happens when there is a disconnect? What do you say to a loved one who says, "I don't matter anymore?"

You know they're wrong because they matter to YOU. So, what do you say? Do the words "I love you" go in one ear and out the other? What else can you say? Recently, one of my loved ones posted this on Facebook of all places. The return comments all summed it up-- they love her, too. I tried to add more. I pointed out to her all the comments from her friends and family, reiterated my love for her, and also mentioned the end results of believing in that phrase.

When you convince yourself that you don't matter anymore, a number of things happen. Once you believe you don't matter, depression can set in. This is awful just by itself. You may stop taking care of yourself, stop caring about work, and stop caring about others. And this leads to isolation. You start to think that no one wants you around, and so you oblige them and sit at home. You turn down invitations to dinner, to movies, to parties and baby showers. And you end up sitting at home alone, spiraling further into your depression and isolation. Eventually, your friends get the hint and leave you alone. Then you may sit there on your couch and grow bitter over the fact that your friends don't even call to find out why you're not around.

As you can tell, I speak from experience. But I was lucky enough to reach out and find friends who were there to help. If you are in this spiral, please reach out. You'll be surprised to find your friends want to help, that they didn't leave you after all. The faith component to all this is that the Bible shows us that God loves us, too. Even more than our family and friends. God loves us so much that He did not want us to die in our sin. He sacrificed His Son, Jesus, on a cross in a horrible death, just so we could be saved from the sin that lurks within us. If we trust in Jesus, we are never truly alone, and we ALWAYS matter.

Yet, my loved one posted that she doesn't matter. I tell her I love her. I tell her God loves her. I tell her the consequences of believing that lie. Is it enough? The problem is, I can't make her stop believing that she doesn't matter. Only she can name this for what it really is:  a lie.

What about you? What would you tell your loved one if they told you they didn't matter? I'm learning as I go, just like everyone else. So tell me: What would you do? I'm looking forward to your comments.

Toni

Offering Hope Through Electronic Media

I think most of us have heard the stories about someone who posts on Facebook or Twitter that he or she is thinking about committing suicide. The story goes that his friends become alarmed and contact the authorities who go to that person's house and talk them out of it.

These stories always make me feel wonderful, first of all to know there ARE people out there who care for others, and second, that someone who calls for help IS indeed rescued. And although I was not in that desperate of situations, I recently found myself twisting at the end of my rope. I was down-- way down -- and feeling alone without a lot of options. One little comment on one Facebook post, and the next thing I know a dear friend who doesn't even live in my town was emailing me asking if everything was all right. And thanks to her concern and wise words, I could see my way out of the pit I was in.

So I guess my thought today is that even through electronic media, we can find ways to encourage others, to give them hope when they may not be able to find it on their own. Sometimes your friend may be direct, as in "I'm dreading the day when . . . ." But sometimes, we have to pay attention. Read between the lines. When someone posts one of those lovely little sayings splashed across a beautiful background and someone comments back, "If only I could," then pause for a moment. Just pause. Let their hurt spur you to call or email them. Just ask if they're all right. Do your best to "listen" (as with figurative ears that are needed when using social media) and offer comfort, hope. Because it's a really tough world out there.

Many of us are going it alone. Many of us are isolated, either by medical conditions, mental conditions, or simply due to an unwillingness to "unload" our problems on others. Many of us know others who seem to have a much more difficult life than we do, and so we choose not to unburden ourselves because we know our problems don't compare. Except that they are indeed problems, and left unsolved, they can grow into bitterness, anger, depression, and anguish.

If you are the one suffering, please find someone you can talk it out with. And if you are the one who senses pain behind a comment, then take a few moments to make sure the other person is okay. Be their sounding board. Let them know that there is hope, and where to find it. REACH OUT. We need to be there for each other because no one should go it alone.

So here's to my friend who showed such compassion this week. And now, I will do my part to pay it forward. Here's hoping all of you will do the same.

"Cons" and "Pros"

After living through a particularly tough week, I've been taking these last few days to rest and recharge. I really blew it last week-- lost my temper, then kicked myself around for a day or two for doing it. I apologized to the other person, but I kept kicking myself anyway.

Not Always a Grinch . . .

I don't know about you, but most days, I'm my own worst critic. Where does that come from? I'm not sure, but I've always had this perfectionistic streak, even from the age of seven when I thought I could just pick up a bowling ball and roll a 200 game my first time out. I cried then, and I cried this week as I failed to live up to my own expectations.

Do you do that? Do you set your own standards so high that you're sure to disappoint yourself? And after that, do you stand around and kick yourself for failing? Why? 

So this week's "Inspiring Words" post has to do with using words to inspire ourselves. When I was younger, I used to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center, entitling one side "Pro" and the other side "Con." Then I'd list all the benefits and drawbacks of whatever I needed to make a decision about. Well, I think sometimes we do this when we think about our own behavior. Granted, sometimes our "con" list is warranted, like when we lash out at others. But for a lot of people, especially women (I suspect), we make our "con" list a lot longer than it should be. 

Do we take our "con" list and keep adding to it? Do we think of ourselves as short-fused, but then add the words "mean," "selfish," "uncaring," and "impatient?" Does our "con" list far outweigh our "pro" list? Or, do we even make a "pro" list?

If you've been beating yourself up lately, then I ask you to do an exercise with me. Get a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. No, you may not use a computer, ipad or phone. There's something about directing your thoughts to a handheld pen or pencil that helps your brain focus better. Anyway, do you have your paper and pen? Good.

Now, just write a list of all the "pros" about you. Go ahead, let yourself think highly of yourself, just for a few minutes. It's okay; you won't be showing this to anyone (unless you want to). What is good about you? Here, let me help:

• Do you stand up for people?
• Do you take food to someone who's ill or grieving?
• Do you send cards to encourage others or to congratulate them?
• Do you give to charities, either with your time or your money?
• Do you love children or animals?
• Do you work with the elderly?
• Do you have a great sense of humor?
• Do you seek out the person sitting alone in the cafeteria and ask them to join you?
• Do you invite people to church?
• If someone needs a cough drop or a drink of water, do you jump up and get it for them?
• Do you try to comfort someone who's hurting?
• Do you pray for others?

I'm guessing you can identify with at least one or two of these things on the list above. Probably more. Add them to your "pro" list. If these suggestions help you find more things, then add those, too. The point is, we can acknowledge our "cons" and try to work on them, but we need to balance them with the "pros" about ourselves that we know to be true. ** If you really cannot think of anything at all that's good about yourself, then please have a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend or family member who can help you see what they see in you. **

No one is all good or all bad. But if we focus only on our "cons," then we can get mired down in negativity and lose our self-esteem. Remember, Jesus Christ came down from heaven to become a sacrifice for ALL people, to save them from their sins and guarantee eternal life for all who believe in Him. Why would He have done that if we weren't so very precious to Him?

So, go ahead and recognize your mistakes and try to make better choices next time. But don't stay in that frame of mind. Remember that "God doesn't make junk," and that He loves you. If God loves you, then who are you to disagree?

Shout Out!

No, this is not the slogan of that well-known stain remover. It's when we give a "shout out" to someone who has done a great job. When I was little, people spoke of giving someone an "atta girl (or boy)." Nowadays, it's called a "shout out." I was thinking particularly this morning of giving our shout outs to children to encourage them.

When I was in high school (granted, not exactly a child), I had an English teacher who wrote at the top of one of my papers: "There are great novels to be added to American literature. Do it!" I've been writing ever since.

If you're sitting at a children's music presentation, play, or sporting event and you see real talent in a child, please make an effort to talk to that child. Encourage the talent you see:

"You have a beautiful singing voice. Keep it up!"

 

"You have a real knack for this! I'm looking forward

to seeing you in your next play."

 

"The way you blocked that shot was fantastic.

I hope you keep practicing."

 



And if you don't get a chance to say anything to this child, see if you can send a card to them. That way, they will have concrete words of encouragement-- words they can look back on and read whenever they want.

I'm sure my high school English teacher probably never knew how his words inspired me, but I'm sure glad he wrote them. And we may never know whether the words we say to encourage a child will impact them or not, but shouldn't we try? Our words may indeed inspire our children to greatness. Let's start today!

 

The Right to Remain Silent

If you've ever watched a cop show on television, you've heard these words: "You have the right to remain silent." It was funny, though, when I recently heard a preacher say the same thing-- We have a God-given right to keep our mouths shut. Usually on those cop shows, the accused does not keep his or her mouth shut. And a lot of times, neither do we.

I don't know how many times I've told myself NOT to say something, and then-- POW! It pops right out of my mouth as if I'd never thought of stopping it at all. Does this ever happen to you? If those words don't get me in trouble, then they usually create a strain in a relationship. Or a scowl, at the least.

When should we remain silent? It depends on whether our words would help the situation. Will our observations or opinions help the other person? Or will they tear them down-- even a notch? Will our contributions to the conversation make someone feel better? Then, say them! Will they diminish the other person in any way? Then, keep silent.

Oh, but to tell the difference in a few seconds, in the middle of a conversation? That's difficult, to be sure. It's even more difficult when our words may not necessarily harm another, but may "steal their thunder." For example, my friend is telling me about what a great weekend she had-- a great concert, a beautiful moment with her kids, a reward she earned. It's a great story, one to which an appropriate response would be:

"That's great!"

"Aww, what a nice thing for you to hear."

"Congratulations!"

Instead, I say, "Well, I had a great weekend, too. I went to the movies and we had a great dinner and . . . "  Or, something worse like, "Well, at least someone had a nice weekend. I spent all day Saturday cleaning a burst pipe in the basement, the kids were acting like idiots . . . "

The "instead" responses above aren't really wrong, but when said in direct response to my friend, they take away from her joy. Just a little, but just enough. When she asks how my weekend was, then I can tell her my story. And if she doesn't ask, then I try not to say anything. If I still want to share later in the day, I will tell her about it. The hardest thing is following through with the initial response of silence.

I wish I had some great tips on how to do that, but I'm afraid I'm still learning to be aware of it myself. And perhaps, that what this little observation here will do for you-- help you be aware the next time you're faced with the right to remain silent.

Everyone's Talking About You!

Some family birthdays were coming up soon, so I went to the local superstore and browsed the card racks. Those of you who know me understand I like to choose cards that make people laugh. In my search, I picked up a card that did indeed make me chuckle. It read:  "It's your birthday, and everyone's talking about you! In a good way, though, not like normal."

But later, those words started coming back to me. They reminded me of a conversation where someone couldn't remember another person's name. To clarify, the person said, "You know, the mean one." The really sad thing is, I DID know who she meant.

The question we have to ask ourselves, then, is whether we want to be the person everyone talks about as "the mean one." Or, you can substitute any other adjective-- the grumpy one, the nasty one, the angry one-- you get the picture. In many instances, we become known by the words we say and the way we say them.

How do we talk to others? Do we try to encourage them? Do we affirm their worth to us? Or do we try to "help" them by repeatedly pointing out their faults?

Believe me, I'm "right there" with everyone else when I look at my life and wonder whether someone somewhere is referring to me as "the grumpy one," "the mean one," or some other less-than-flattering name. What can we do to avoid this? Maybe the best thing is to ask God every day to help us be kind to others and to speak only words that will build up. Ask Him to guide us in being sensitive to the way our words affect others. And when we fail (as we probably will), we can ask God to help us gather the courage to apologize to the person we've hurt.

So here's to all of us gaining a new sense of how our words define how we're known to others. And may our birthday cards be uplifting ones, chosen because they reflect that quality in us.

That Song You Can't Get Out of Your Head

Can everyone identify with this scenario? You get in your car, and the first song that emanates from your radio is the one that stays with you all day. You might not even like the song, but that's the one you can't get out of your head. Or perhaps it's the commercial jingle that came on during a TV program you watched last night. Ugh, don't you hate that? Me, too.

Sometimes, it's a perfectly okay song, or maybe it's one of your favorites. But for me, a lot of times (especially if I'm riding in my husband's truck and he has one of those radio stations on that drive me nuts), it's a tune I despise.

Okay, so what's the point? How does this relate to Inspiring Words, Inspiring Lives? The other day, I was reminded of this Bible verse: "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8 RSV)  This advice urges us to fill our minds with truth, goodness, and things worthy of praise. That song sticking in our heads is just a small example of how the things we see, hear, and read tend to fill our minds.

And how many of us find ourselves singing that dreaded song out loud at least once during the day? It's easy to see that whatever fills our minds can spill out into our words. Have your ever caught yourself repeating an expression you heard on TV or maybe heard someone else use? Again, first it makes an impression on our minds, then it comes out of our mouths. 

On a much grander scale, we can see the influence of reality TV shows and today's music on the behavior of young people. Use of the dreaded "F" word is practically commonplace. The other day, I heard a young couple speaking in front of their five-year-old daughter and flinging the "F-bomb" throughout the conversation. They weren't even angry (not that being angry is an excuse). It was just another word to them, like "really" and "dumb."  How can we inspire each other to live better lives if our language is peppered with curse words?

Likewise, how can young people be encouraged to strive for their dreams, to become better people, if they only thing they learn from reality TV is that it's important to look like a model and act like a six-year-old?

Let's be proactive in this. Someone has to turn the tide. Why not us? Let's inspire others by sharing whatever good things we hear. Spread praise around. Fling words of encouragement instead of cursing and discontent. Read the Bible. Read about people who are doing great things in your community. And pass it on.

How to Thank An Administrative Professional

This Wednesday, April 24, we will observe Administrative Professionals Day. It used to be called Secretary's Day, but I guess we wanted to be more encompassing in the people we celebrate.

I never started out to be a secretary. I was a technical writer for the computer industry for many years before the office manager position in my church opened up and I took my shot. That was over eleven years ago. It never really bothered me that Administrative Professionals Day went by without much notice from the people I serve. I didn't consider myself a secretary, anyway. But as the years went by, things changed. I WAS a secretary. (Sometimes I'd call myself the office manager whenever I wanted to feel better about myself.) And there were days when I'd feel invisible or unappreciated. I'd remind myself I was working for the Lord, and therefore, I didn't need "atta girls" from others.

Truth was, though, I kind of wished someone would remember the day. As a kind of preemptive strike, I tried to forget the day so I wouldn't be disappointed when everyone else did, too.

But last year, my coworkers surprised me. Somehow they contacted church members without my knowing it (a grand feat since the secretary usually knows most of what goes on in the church) and asked them to write a note or send a card.

On Administrative Professionals Day, my two closest coworkers took me to lunch. When we returned, there was a small gift on my chair-- a flowered gift bag with LOTS of cards and notes in them. As I read them, I was astounded at the lovely things people said and the ways they felt I'd helped them. Sometimes, the act they mentioned was just something I'd considered as part of my job.

What a wonderful gift! Feel free to use this idea for your own secretaries, office managers, administrative professionals, and the like. Flowers and a free lunch are great, but the personal touch is even better. Or, if you don't have enough time to organize something like this, take a few moments to write a note on your own. Tell your office manager just how she (or he) has touched your life. The important thing is to be specific. That's what meant the most to me, and I'm sure it will really lift up your secretary.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

Six Ways To Listen Better

Inspiration on a Mountain Top - Smoky Mountains

Welcome to Inspiring Words, Inspiring Lives. May we have a thoughtful, uplifting discussion about practical things we can do right now to bring a little brightness into someone else's life. 

St. Francis of Assisi in the 13th century penned a poem that embodies the spirit of this journey to inspire others. I became familiar with the poem as it is presented in a popular hymn version, adapted and set to music by Sebastian Temple (©1967 by OCP Publications). It's called Make Me A Channel of Your Peace, and the chorus goes like this: 

                     O Master, grant that I may never seek 

                     So much to be consoled as to console;

                     To be understood as to understand,

                     To be loved, as to love with all my soul!

Learning how to inspire others, I believe, begins with learning how to get out of our own way. As in the words of this hymn, we ask the Master to help us to try and console, understand, and love others more than we desire to be consoled, understood and loved for ourselves. A hard thing to do! 

I'm right there with everyone else when it comes to seeking to understand others rather than standing in the corner silently shouting, "I'm over here! Listen to me!" But here are some tips for your next work day or school day or whenever you interact with others.

1. Be slow to speak. When we see our coworker, instead of starting with, "Let me tell you what happened last night," we can simply smile and ask them how they are doing. Most people will just say "fine," but if something's really bothering them, they may give you a hint. Listen for this.
2. Be observant. While we are being quiet, watch for the expression on someone else's face. Watch for clues that maybe they aren't feeling well, such as rubbing their temples, clutching their stomach, or perhaps grimacing when they walk. 
3. Listen with our minds. When we listen to our friend or coworker, let's make sure we're using our minds even more than our ears. Concentrate on what the other person is saying instead of trying to think about what we'll say when it's our turn. People don't always get their point out at first. Sometimes they work their way into it. If we tune them out after the first sentence, we'll totally miss what they are really saying. 
4. Clarify if needed. If we're confused by what the other person is saying, paraphrase it as a question as in, "Do you mean . . . ?"
5. Offer solutions only if asked. Most people (women, especially), really just want to get it off their chest. If we jump in with a solution, we can come off sounding as if their problems aren't any big deal. "Just call so-and-so." "Just go to such-and-such." It's as if we are telling the other person that their problem is no big deal and to get over it. This can derail our purpose in seeking to understand them.
6. Leave things on a hopeful note. Make sure the other person knows you are there for them if they need to talk further. Pray with her. Tell him to call you later.  Tell her to keep you posted on how things are going. If you're close friends, offer her a hug.

It's a start. It's not easy, either. But it's worth the effort if we want to start encouraging others. Lord knows I'm on the same journey. Let's help each other, okay? Do you have something that's worked for you when listening to others? I'd love to hear it!