Self-Examination: Good or Bad?

I cried at a comedy show. Okay, it wasn't during the comedy part, but during one of the songs. Someone who saw me probably figured I was moved and my faith was genuine. In truth, my tears were selfish ones. The song was about people being ordinary angels-- helping one another as best we can. Initially, I wasn't sure why I broke down. But upon self-examination, I realized I was crying because I wondered where my ordinary angels were. 

"Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves." (2 Corinthians 13:5a) The Bible tells us to examine ourselves. Does anyone really do that anymore, or am I just weird? When I screw up, I always try to determine whether it was a result of wrong desires or just accidental. Or whether I really meant what I said or if it just came out wrong. Whatever seems to be sinful is what I confess to God. 

And yet my friends and my husband have all said to me at one time or another that I am too hard on myself. Do I examine myself too harshly? Am I giving myself all essay questions when it would be fairer to throw in some multiple choice? Hmm . . . 

The Bible also says we are to be perfect: "Be perfect, therefore, just as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:48) But we're only human, so we'll never be perfect. That's just a fact I think we can all agree to, whether we're Christian or not. FYI, that's why Jesus Christ had to come and be perfection for us. He is the only one who lived a perfect life. 

So, yes, it's good to examine our lives in order to make sure we're living as Christ would have us live. But when we use our examinations to keep ourselves in a hopeless cycle of negative thoughts-- beating ourselves up, as it were-- then we've gone overboard. 

Where is the middle ground? I believe it's found in Romans 8:3. "The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins." 

So yes, we should examine ourselves. But we do it with the knowledge that in the end, we cannot save ourselves. Instead, we look to Jesus and ask Him to clean us up. And then rest in His grace. 

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. 

When It's Tough to Keep Doing What's Right

Today I'm sad. My friend in hospice care looked worse. The protests and discussions following this past week's presidential election are wearing on me. I've been called lazy because I believe that God is still in control of this world, no matter how things seems right now. And time just seems to be flying by without giving me a chance to catch up. 

I'm tired, both physically and emotionally. It's getting more difficult to get up in the morning. Anyone else feel the same way? Maybe it's because my friend is dying. Or maybe it's the time change that is throwing me off. Or perhaps it's because the holidays are almost here and I'm thinking about all that has to be done. But the Bible says, "So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

I'm thinking that growing weary in this context means much more than physical exhaustion. We can get some sleep or take a day off and still be weary of doing what is right. No, I believe this verse is speaking more to our emotional weariness-- the attitude of, "Why bother? Nothing I do makes a difference anyway." I'm sure most of us have been there at one time or another. 

Don't Rely On Your Feelings 

How do you fight against the "why bother" attitude? One way is simply get up the next day and keep on working for good, no matter how you feel. Another way is to consider that sometimes we may be making a difference and not even know it. Recently someone told me how appreciative she was of my help and encouragement. But the thing is, I didn't think I had done much at all. And (on the flip side) I still remember a kindness shown to me over 32 years ago by someone who doesn't even remember it today. 

So be encouraged, my friends, even when you're tired and start to believe what you do doesn't matter. Keep on doing what is right because you may never know how much your efforts mean to someone else. 

How has someone has blessed your life, even in the smallest way? Go ahead and tell that person about it. He or she may just need to hear that today. 

We'll chat again next week. 

Toni 

Families. Love 'em or Love 'em

My friend is dying. We got word last week she was moving into hospice care. When I went to see her, she said, "Well, pretty soon you won't have me around to bug you anymore." I've known her all my life, and I must admit there were times when she did indeed bug me. But then again, she is one of my church sisters, and I find myself remembering the times we spent eating cheesy bread and trying to solve the world's problems. 

When I arrived, one of my other church sisters was already there offering her sunny personality as a gift to our friend. When she left, I stayed until my friend's mother came. By that time, my friend had nodded off, but I stayed and spoke with her mom. "Thank you for coming," she said. "So many from church have called or visited." 

So I've been thinking about our church family. There are times when we get on each others' nerves. But in situations like this, we are here for each other. We are indeed a family, knit together by our belief in a God who calls us and frees us and gives us to one another for times of laughter as well as sadness. 

The Blessing of Families

I am blessed to have been born into a good family, and blessed again to have married into another. But today I'm realizing another blessing of a church family who cares for one another, despite our differences and quarrels. 

What about you? Do you have a church family? Do you feel the same? If you don't have a church, I urge you to seek one out. Families are a blessing, and that includes church families. Give it some thought, my friends. 

Until next week . . . 

Whose Responsibility Is It?

I don't know if other church secretaries feel like I do-- as if somehow what I do during the week can help bring people to church on Sunday. Maybe if I write a bulletin announcement in such a way, then people will change their minds about giving or helping or attending. Maybe if I arrange newsletter articles a certain way, then it will draw attention to an important cause and make people think seriously about it. 

Then Sunday comes and attendance is down again. Where is everyone? Some are on vacation. Some have children in traveling sports leagues. Some are sick. Some are working. Some are just too tired to get up in the morning. And others have given up and turned away from God-- their pain too deep, their sorrows too overwhelming. And I look around and feel as if somehow I've failed.  

But do you know what? By thinking I've failed, I'm actually taking on responsibility that isn't even mine. It's is the Lord's responsibility to change hearts and bring people back to His house of worship. We can only do what the Lord asks of us, to the best of our abilities. So that means as secretary of my church, I need to continue to make announcements as clear as possible. Make needs known. Facilitate communication among my church family. But it's not my job to change hearts. 

From Worry to Hope

So today, I rested myself from that burden. Yes, attendance still isn't great. Yes, the children's choir isn't as full as it should be. But instead of wondering what the problem or why it's happening, I listened to the children's wonderful, sweet voices singing praise to God. I saw a young boy with a disability that makes it difficult for him to speak, and he was standing there smiling, moving to the music, and occasionally moving his lips and forming the words. 

What joy! What a wonderful thing God is accomplishing in this little boy. And a young couple with a six-month old boy have joined us and brought their talents and joy to share with us. And despite the numbers, God showed me hope. 

So what have you been obsessing over lately? Is it your responsibility to carry that burden at all? Ask God to show you. May He will show you peace and joy instead of worry and fear. Maybe hope was there all along. Only now you get to see it. 

Give it some thought this week, friends, and let me know what God is telling you. 

Tired of All the Politics?

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."        Philippians 4:6-8

I don't know about you, but I'm really tired of this political season. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. No matter your political persuasion, you've got to admit the rhetoric and general nastiness is wearing us down. We're ready for it to be over. 

What's Making Us So Tired?

Our present day atmosphere is what I'm going to call "policititis." Yep, we're sick of it. Everywhere we turn, it seems there is nothing but depressing words-- lies, slander, suspicion, controversy. Deep inside we wonder why it has to be this way. Welcome to sinfulness, my friends. 

What's the Solution?

Philippians 4:8 by itself is a wonderful reminder, but I realized the previous two verses dovetail nicely into verse 8. Paul tells us not to worry, to let God know about our worries and needs. And God's peace will guard our hearts. Then he tells us to think of whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, or commendable. If there is anything of excellence and worthy of our praise, then think of those things. 

Taken together, these verses can guide us through our politicitis so we can remember there is still good in this world. Babies are born, flowers burst with brilliant color, and we still read of selfless acts of those who work to help ease the burdens of others. 

Keeping Our Focus

But even if all those turned bad, we STILL have something wonderful to think about: Jesus Christ sacrificing himself for us and taking on the death we deserve. He is honorable. He is pure. He is worthy of our praise. 

So don't worry. Allow God's peace to guard your hearts. And think about His worthiness and beauty. God is in control, and He will not abandon us to this culture of politicitis. Let's keep our focus where it belongs. On Him.

A Little R & R

R & R. Rest and Relaxation. Sun, sand, and seagulls-- what could be better? Usually nothing. But what do you do when your vacation isn't so relaxing? 

Maybe the flight was rough or the traffic was bumper-to-bumper. Maybe the kids are screaming and fighting instead of being all smiles and happy to be going somewhere. Maybe the hotel room is not as clean as it should be or the restaurant food is kind of gross. 

Or perhaps your own job stresses will not leave your brain no matter how much you tell yourself this is supposed to be your down time. What then? 

When You Can't Relax

I'm reminded of a time when Jesus told his disciples, "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29 NRSV) Rest for your souls. Don't all of us need that? 

A friend of mine recently told me to be gentle with myself. And my husband always tells me I'm too hard on myself. Then I noticed in the scripture verse above that Jesus says He himself is gentle (to those who are His own). In Him we can find rest for our souls. I guess I'd forgotten Jesus had said that. In today's vernacular, Jesus would say, "Relax. I've got this." But I kind of like the way Matthew said it better. 

So next time you are weary and carrying heavy burdens-- when life gets too hard-- go to Jesus. Learn from Him. And He will give you rest for your soul. Rest, my friends. Rest in Jesus. 

Dealing With Worry

My best friend used to say I was a cross between Eeyore and Tigger from the Winnie the Pooh stories. Not exactly manic-depressive, but definitely up and down in my moods. In fact, I still display small beanbag versions of each character near my desk. I just wish I could be less like Eeyore and more like Tigger. 

Lately, my nerves have been as wound up as the springs in Tigger's tail. I'm still trying to learn to bounce back instead of trudging through life Eeyore-style. Some would say my answer is medication. I'm going to try meditation. Whenever you're dealing with more questions than answers, the Bible is always the best place to go. 

One of my favorite verses is from the gospel of Matthew: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:25-27, NIV)"

What's the Answer?

As far as I'm concerned, the best solution for worry is to remember God has "got" whatever situation you're in. He knows what you need. Worry will not accomplish anything except making you miserable. 

As with many things in life, though, letting go of our worries is easier said than done. Remembering our focus, keeping it on the Lord, is truly the answer. Maybe finding some quiet time with God-- telling Him you trust Him, telling Him your worries-- is the best answer there is. 

Lately, it seems I haven't been able to find quiet time. Yesterday, I was stuck in a traffic jam for two hours. Talk about worry! I spoke to God almost the entire time. But I still have a long way to go because I was not at peace during that situation.  

All I do know is the best answer is the Lord. What about you? What has been causing you to worry lately? How has the Lord helped you through it? Maybe we can help each other.

Till next time...

How Do You Keep Going When All You Want to Do is Quit?

If there's one thing I'm learning from writing this blog, it's perseverance. I've committed to a weekly blog, and so here I am back at the keyboard. I've been writing this for a few weeks and although I find it enjoyable and a learning experience, I wonder sometimes whether anyone out there is reading it. Maybe folks are just "liking" the post on Facebook, but not actually opening the link. Hard to tell if no one comments. So why do I do it?

The simple answer is I have a goal to broaden my social media presence. The "how-to" information on marketing says this is important for an author. I don't know if prospective agents or editors will look me up and read the blog or not, but I wonder what they will think. "Good writing, but absolutely no followers. Hmm. Maybe this author won't be able to help market her book. Too bad." And they move on to the next author who has a blog with hundreds of followers and lots of comments. 

Keeping On

But I'm not sitting on the other side of the publishing table. All I can do is keep at it, even if I don't know how the author thing will turn out. The apostle Paul wrote to the church in Thessalonica, "Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring (2 Thessalonians 1:4)." It seems perseverance is a noble activity, a keeping on in the midst of troubles in order to reach a worthwhile goal. 

At this point, I think we need to check our goals: 

• Is what you want a worthwhile thing? 
• To whom? 
• Will the thing you want, once achieved, benefit only yourself or will it help others as well?  

Once you've determined who benefits from your goal, then you can figure out whether pursuing it is still worth the effort. If it's only for yourself and your own ambition, then perhaps it's not something that will help anyone in the long run. Including yourself. If your goal WILL help others, then lean on God to help you. Remember your FOCUS and keep on keeping on. 

I'd Love To Hear From You!

What about you? What do you want more than anything? What will you do in order to make it happen? WRITE BACK (i.e., comment on this blog right here and not just on Facebook) and let me know what you're pursuing today. Thanks for reading. 

Finding Contentment

"How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."  (Philippians 4:10-12  NLT)

It's easy to be content when you've had a great meal and are kicking back with friends and family. It's also easy when you're watching your children or grandchildren on Christmas Day as they play with their toys and squeal with joy. 

But what about the rest of our days? What about when the phone won't stop ringing, the traffic is terrible, your best friend said something mean, or you're overwhelmed with work or caring for a loved one? The apostle Paul said he is never really in need because he has learned to be content, no matter what situation he finds himself in. 

Did you catch that? He has learned to be content. For me, this takes some of the pressure off. Being content in the midst of life's difficulties is not something that comes easily. And that's okay. Looks like contentment is something we need to learn. 

How Do We Learn Contentment?

I'm tempted to say, "Beats me." If we look at our situation and try to convince ourselves we're content, that's an uphill battle we'll probably lose. When our feelings are hurt, our nerves are frazzled, and we want to cry, telling ourselves "it's all good" is just a lie. And we know it. Learning contentment involves something else. 

In an earlier blog post I spoke of focusing on the Lord. This is still the best way I believe we can learn contentment. If we can stop our feelings for a moment and give our worries to God, it can free us to go on with our day. Giving our worries to Him means we trust He's got everything under control. 

Once we rest in that fact, it is much easier to be content. Let's remind ourselves that God has got this. And then LET Him take care of things. Being content in all situations is tough. But with enough practice, I believe it's a skill we can learn. 

What about you? Have you ever been in a situation where you realized you were content, even though your situation was not ideal? I'm interested in hearing your thoughts and look forward to chatting with you this week. 

Hopes, Dreams, and Idols

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 NLT)

What does having hope mean to you? I guess if we can see a "light at the end of the tunnel," then we have a more positive outlook even in the midst of life's difficulties. In Proverbs 13:12, we see that hope deferred (put off until a later time) makes the heart sick. Indeed, if you're in the middle of a tough situation and you can't see the light, your heart can be sick. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Something I've hoped for is being deferred again. I've carried this hope for many years. And yes, my heart is a little sick. The second part of the verse mentions that a dream fulfilled is a tree of life-- a breath of living joy, if you will. I'm still waiting for my "tree." 

My question today is this: Is the thing you're hoping for an all-consuming desire? Mine can be. If this is the case, consider the suggestion that your desire might just be an idol in the eyes of the Lord. 

Do you think of your dream more than you think of God? Does it take more of your attention than prayer and Bible reading? I am not preaching, believe me, because this has been my situation. We have to be very careful about putting God first in our lives. Anything that takes top spot can be an idol, whether it's money, sports, shopping, or even our family. 

That One Thing

I met a woman once outside a large rummage sale that had not yet opened its doors. She was having a panic attack because she couldn't wait to find that "one thing" that would make her happy. I told her absolutely nothing in that sale would make her truly happy. Easy for me to say, since shopping is not my idol. 

But my words to that woman apply to myself as well. My dream will not make me truly happy, even though it involves serving the Lord. Ironically, our service to God can be an idol if whatever we do becomes more important than God Himself. And God will not put up with idols. Turning my dream into an idol has resulted in my "sick" heart. God has deferred my dream to help me turn my focus back to Him. 

What are your dreams? How have they been making your heart sick? Or, how are they now a "tree of life" to you? I look forward to your comments. 

9/11 and the Generation that Came After

Most of us remember where we were when we heard America had been attacked on September 11, 2001. I was unemployed and had just turned on the TV to eat my breakfast and watch a morning talk show. Two minutes in, they cut away to the scene.

One tower was already smoking. Thinking it was a terrible accident, I watched as a second plane crashed into the other tower. Then I and everyone else in America knew this was NOT an accident. The horror became etched in our minds forever as the news grew more ominous throughout the day. 

The worst memory of all, for me, was watching the people in the windows yelling for help, some gasping for air because smoke had engulfed their floor. Then they started to jump. And it was all caught on camera for everyone to see. And remember. 

The Generation After
It's fifteen years later, and watching those scenes bring every emotion back. The phrase "We will never forget" resonates with us because we won't. We can't. And yet, there is a growing generation coming after us who either never experienced that day or was too young at the time to recall it. This past week, a couple of retail stores held 9/11 sales or "Twin Tower" sales to sell beverages or mattresses. The backlash was strong, as it should have been. But it started me thinking about this new generation. 

The young people who made the mattress commercial looked to me like they were in their twenties. Which means that on 9/11, they were probably not much older than ten. If their parents shielded them from the news, they may have heard what happened, but it never imprinted on their minds like it did for us. I'm not condoning their disrespectful actions, but I might understand them. 

Think about this: When Memorial Day comes around each May, there are lots of Memorial Day sales in the stores. Most of us don't even think about how disrespectful that might be for the generations who fought in World War II, Korea, or Vietnam. That's because we weren't around. Or, we were too young to understand. I believe the same thing is happening now with 9/11. 

I hate to say it, but probably in another 20 to 30 years, many stores will have 9/11 sales and most people will think nothing of it. But I also believe this generation will most likely have its own version of 9/11 one day. Let's face it, folks, the world isn't getting any better. 

So on this fifteenth anniversary of 9/11, remember and pray for the families of the victims. Honor our first responders. Ponder the enormity of that day and work for peace in our families and communities. And maybe we can cut the younger generation a little slack. For although we can say we will never forget, they cannot. 

May God grant His peace, strength, and wisdom to us all. 

Finding our FOCUS

Last week, we talked about "Humility in the Age of ME." About spending so much time in our own thoughts that it's tough to turn ourselves outward and focus on other people and situations. I mentioned it was a matter of focus, and that's what I'd like to talk about today. 

Trying to turn our attention toward others while using our own strength, willpower or what-have-you still finds us relying on ourselves. I believe the only way to truly achieve this outward turn is to change our focus. We need to focus on our Creator and Redeemer. Just this week, I had several opportunities to put this into practice. I found myself depressed about the anniversary of my dog's passing. Then a potential career set-back fell right on top of that. I spent almost two full days drawn inward, nursing my hurt. 

I didn't-- no, couldn't-- think about anyone else's needs. The solution was to turn my focus back to Jesus and remind myself that His plan for my life is already underway and safe in His trusted hands. Once we are "tuned in" to Him, our own pain lessens and we can move on and go about the things He would want us to do. 

Businesses over the years have come up with acronyms for the word FOCUS. Let me suggest one more we can use to help us turn our attention toward God instead of ourselves. Forward Our Concerns Unto the Savior. 

In the workplace, sometimes we receive email requests that would be better handled by someone else so we forward it on to that person. This is the same thing. When we "receive" concerns that overwhelm us and threaten to drag us into our own minds, remember to "forward" it on to God. Let Him take care of your concerns. And soon, just like the old hymn says, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of this earth will go strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace" (author Helen H. Lemmel).  

It's still not an easy thing to do. But I believe it's the best way to handle our hurts and turn ourselves back toward others once again. Give it a try. Let me know how it works for you. Just remember to FOCUS. 

Until next time....

Humility in the Age of ME

For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, 

and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (Luke 14:11 NRSV)

I think it all started with the old Burger King® TV ads: “Have it your way.” Okay, maybe they didn’t start it, but they were one of the first to latch on to the culture of ME. Then came the personal computer. Soon we could have our own website. Our own Facebook page. And don’t forget selfies! Soon we could make ourselves a star on YouTube or create some other video of ourselves and wait for it to go “viral.” With the advent of the cell phone, now we can tell everyone where we’re visiting, who we’re partying with, and what we’re eating.

It’s actually difficult for us as human beings to focus on others instead of ourselves. We wake up every morning with our own thoughts. As we get ready for work or school, we think about the day ahead and whether we are looking forward to it or dreading it. We spend 24 hours a day in our own heads, and it’s tough to step away from what’s going on in our minds. To stop viewing each situation using our own lives as our frame of reference.

Notice I said “our.” I’m including myself because I am so guilty of this. If I’m feeling good about my accomplishments, then I tend to overdo it and start thinking I’m pretty special. And on the “flip side,” if I’m focusing on my failures, then I overdo it in the other direction and start thinking I’ll never measure up.

My own life is reflected in Luke 14:11 (see above). Usually, if I’m congratulating myself too much, something happens to “take me down a peg.” And if I’m feeling like a failure, someone eventually comes along to help dig me out of the pit. And yet, even in these situations, the focus is on ME.

So how do we stop living in our own heads all the time? Yes, we need to look around us and see the hurts of others. Yes, we need to click on a different page of the news websites to read about something other than what’s going on in the entertainment world. But, again, this keeps us relying on our own efforts. And we all know the world of ME beckons us 24/7. I believe the answer lies in our focus. More on that next time.

In the meantime, tell me something. Do you struggle with this as well? (Please don’t tell me I’m the only one!) I look forward to your comments!

Beginning Again

It's been three years since my last post. Why such a long time? Was I ill? Busy? No, none of that. Not really. Maybe it was laziness or depression or both. But in the end, I think it has been a journey of self discovery. In the last three years, I've:

• Rewritten my book
• Sought Christian counseling
• Lost my beloved dog, Daisy
• Said goodbye as our good friends moved away
• Weathered a financial downturn 

But hasn't everyone had similar experiences? Still, I think going through these challenges gives us a great deal of perspective when we come out on "the other side." I've learned a lot about myself, and let's face it-- not all my discoveries were good. But the Lord has been beside me all the way and has forgiven me for my error-filled life.

  
And so, I begin again. My book, Words Will Never Hurt Me, is ready to send to agents and editors. I have a new focus in my life and a new purpose-- to reach others for Jesus. I'm kind of feeling my way through this new adventure, but I'm trusting God to lead me through it. 

The other day, I engaged in small talk with a woman in a book store, and she told me I was an interesting person. Frankly, that surprised me because I haven't felt interesting for most of my life. But it caused me to think that maybe what I consider ordinary about my life might be just the opposite for others. Maybe I do have something to share. 

So although it's not even New Year's Eve, I've taken stock of my life and I'm ready to begin again. I hope you would like to follow along. So, dear readers, let me know what you think. Have you taken stock of your life lately? What have you discovered?


Until next time! 
Toni
https://www.facebook.com/authortoniwilbarger/