Oh, my goodness! I am the secretary of my church, and last week our pastor resigned. Talk about major change! Let's face it-- people don't like change. Not really. The news of the resignation after 26 years of service shocked many people. Anger was the one response I really didn't expect. A friend of mine said it best: "Anger, one of the first stages of grief." People were angry because they were under the impression that our beloved pastor had been forced out by the higher-ups at our bishop's office. One woman was angry that the pastor she'd counted on to perform her daughter's wedding would no longer be there. Others just accepted the decision with sadness. The truth was, our pastor was getting older and was burned out from serving a church with over a 1,000 members all by himself. He was tired. He was ready for a change.
And so, one man's desire for change in his life threatened the familiarity and safety of many others who did not seek to have anything changed in their church lives. I don't like change either, but I recognize that it can be good. Change can be good for our personal lives and good for our churches, too. New leaders in our church can mean new ideas, new energy, new life. New jobs in our personal lives can be good for our emotional well-being as well as our financial well-being.
I think the difference in how we react to change results from whether we chose to change or whether the change was forced upon us. When our church leader steps down, that's a change that is forced upon us. The same is true if our job is eliminated or a beloved friend, pet, or family member passes away. When these types of changes are forced on us, we tend to react with fear, anger, and grief. But if we choose the change, if we have control of it, then we perceive it as a positive step. A good change.
The trick to accepting change that is forced upon us is to talk to ourselves. If we tell ourselves we'll be all right, then we will. We calm ourselves down and eventually accept the new path in front of us. When we accept the change that has occurred (or will soon occur), then we, in effect, choose the change. And once we choose it, we can start to look at the situation more positively. Now, I'm not belittling anyone's grief if the change means we've lost a loved one. Just telling ourselves we'll be all right when someone has died will not magically make everything okay again. There is a process, and anger is one step in that process. But if we continue to talk to ourselves and take each day as it comes, eventually we can accept the new path before us.
Change can be good or bad. It all depends on how we perceive it. Will we choose to accept it? What about you? What changes have you been through lately? How much time has passed since the change? Where do you find yourself on the scale of acceptance?
Until next time,
Toni
