The Right to Remain Silent

If you've ever watched a cop show on television, you've heard these words: "You have the right to remain silent." It was funny, though, when I recently heard a preacher say the same thing-- We have a God-given right to keep our mouths shut. Usually on those cop shows, the accused does not keep his or her mouth shut. And a lot of times, neither do we.

I don't know how many times I've told myself NOT to say something, and then-- POW! It pops right out of my mouth as if I'd never thought of stopping it at all. Does this ever happen to you? If those words don't get me in trouble, then they usually create a strain in a relationship. Or a scowl, at the least.

When should we remain silent? It depends on whether our words would help the situation. Will our observations or opinions help the other person? Or will they tear them down-- even a notch? Will our contributions to the conversation make someone feel better? Then, say them! Will they diminish the other person in any way? Then, keep silent.

Oh, but to tell the difference in a few seconds, in the middle of a conversation? That's difficult, to be sure. It's even more difficult when our words may not necessarily harm another, but may "steal their thunder." For example, my friend is telling me about what a great weekend she had-- a great concert, a beautiful moment with her kids, a reward she earned. It's a great story, one to which an appropriate response would be:

"That's great!"

"Aww, what a nice thing for you to hear."

"Congratulations!"

Instead, I say, "Well, I had a great weekend, too. I went to the movies and we had a great dinner and . . . "  Or, something worse like, "Well, at least someone had a nice weekend. I spent all day Saturday cleaning a burst pipe in the basement, the kids were acting like idiots . . . "

The "instead" responses above aren't really wrong, but when said in direct response to my friend, they take away from her joy. Just a little, but just enough. When she asks how my weekend was, then I can tell her my story. And if she doesn't ask, then I try not to say anything. If I still want to share later in the day, I will tell her about it. The hardest thing is following through with the initial response of silence.

I wish I had some great tips on how to do that, but I'm afraid I'm still learning to be aware of it myself. And perhaps, that what this little observation here will do for you-- help you be aware the next time you're faced with the right to remain silent.