What matters to you? Your family, your faith, your friends, your home, your pets, your job? Most of us would probably include those things on our list. Knowing how much you treasure your family and friends, you also have faith that they treasure you just as much. So what happens when there is a disconnect? What do you say to a loved one who says, "I don't matter anymore?"
You know they're wrong because they matter to YOU. So, what do you say? Do the words "I love you" go in one ear and out the other? What else can you say? Recently, one of my loved ones posted this on Facebook of all places. The return comments all summed it up-- they love her, too. I tried to add more. I pointed out to her all the comments from her friends and family, reiterated my love for her, and also mentioned the end results of believing in that phrase.
When you convince yourself that you don't matter anymore, a number of things happen. Once you believe you don't matter, depression can set in. This is awful just by itself. You may stop taking care of yourself, stop caring about work, and stop caring about others. And this leads to isolation. You start to think that no one wants you around, and so you oblige them and sit at home. You turn down invitations to dinner, to movies, to parties and baby showers. And you end up sitting at home alone, spiraling further into your depression and isolation. Eventually, your friends get the hint and leave you alone. Then you may sit there on your couch and grow bitter over the fact that your friends don't even call to find out why you're not around.
As you can tell, I speak from experience. But I was lucky enough to reach out and find friends who were there to help. If you are in this spiral, please reach out. You'll be surprised to find your friends want to help, that they didn't leave you after all. The faith component to all this is that the Bible shows us that God loves us, too. Even more than our family and friends. God loves us so much that He did not want us to die in our sin. He sacrificed His Son, Jesus, on a cross in a horrible death, just so we could be saved from the sin that lurks within us. If we trust in Jesus, we are never truly alone, and we ALWAYS matter.
Yet, my loved one posted that she doesn't matter. I tell her I love her. I tell her God loves her. I tell her the consequences of believing that lie. Is it enough? The problem is, I can't make her stop believing that she doesn't matter. Only she can name this for what it really is: a lie.
What about you? What would you tell your loved one if they told you they didn't matter? I'm learning as I go, just like everyone else. So tell me: What would you do? I'm looking forward to your comments.
Toni
God,Jesus,Husband, and family are the priority here. Friends do make a difference, but I'm finding friends are human like me and we all "goof" in our expectations of what we think a friend is like. Sometimes I think society puts too much pressure on friendships and then when our eyes are on them instead of our creator, then we can go into a tailspin of doubts.
ReplyDeleteI guess we should all be loved unconditionally however, when we are struggling, sometimes confrontation is necessary. The Word of God is very specific in this area. In our culture of "You can't judge me" though it makes it tough. There are over 5,000 Christian denominations, all claiming to be believers and there are divisions within the whole body of Christians that cause me to be very sad.
We are responsible for our own choices and so as long as my heart is clear before my Lord, I guess I can't please everyone.
Therefore if a loved one feels it doesn't really matter, I would offer to pray and bring them around to understanding how deep,unusual, and unconditional is the love that God offers. Not what I can or any other human offers. A life is totally worth living but we have to help one another keep strong in Christ, pointing to Him as the author and finisher of our lives. I can attest to the fact that it doesn't matter what one does to harm themselves, we will live as long as we are supposed to on this earth and no matter what, we can't go home until God brings us home. Make sense? I hope so because I'm the least in the Kingdom and certainly have few answers to this tough question!!! How bout that for a novel? :)
Anyway, I love you and God's people soooo much and often wished I was better at expressing that. Love and hugs to all who read this. Paulette. :)
Thanks, Paulette. You make an excellent point that as human beings we will all fail each other from time to time. It IS best to point each other to God the Father, our Creator, as our source of love and value. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteToni